Proposed Laws
So while we’re busy passing Constitutional Amendments that essentially codify religious law, and strip citizens of their civil rights, I’m proposing the following:
Proposition 15: Ban on Swearing (or Uttering Oaths)
If convicted, one must prepare an offering for the court as a measure of atonement for this crime. A sacrifice of a female lamb or goat is acceptable. If the criminal does not have a lamb or goat to sacrifice, two turtle-doves or young pigeons may be substituted.
Proposition 16: Ban on Eating Fat
This “good health” initiative bans the eating of fat from ox, sheep or goat. Fat recycling bins will be provided to each household so that families can set aside their fat to be collected and burned in offering to the state.
Proposition 17: Ban on Eating Camel, Rabbit, Pork, Shellfish and Ostrich Meat
This one doesn’t require much explanation; don’t eat the food on the banned list.
Proposition 18: Ban on Adultery
If convicted both adulterers face a mandatory death penalty. Unfortunately, this will mean most of the televangelists we’ve come to know and love will be put to death, but so be it.
Proposition 19: Ban on Wizards (Sarah’s Law)
If convicted of being a wizard or “having a familiar spirit,” the accused will be stoned to death. This proposition is named after its famous supporter, Governor Palin.
Proposition 20: Death Penalty for Prostitution
If convicted of prostitution, women will now face death by burning at the stake.
Proposition 21: Ban on Gambling
This one is also self-explanatory.
